As I have over and over again returned to more diligent study of the Course, finding it now impossible to part in any way from it, I realize it is joining with the work that is the only part of the dream I made that overall makes any sense to me. Jesus is a wonderful teacher. By attraction rather than avoidance. By example rather than evangelism.  Still today, I make some of the same old mistakes, cling to old ideas: an unforgiving thought,  an ego search and do not find episode, an attack as victim or victimizer, projection, withholding love, regret, guilt, anger — at the same tempo as ever, in even larger chunks of experience as I think I might now be able handle — and of course suffering more for doing so. The only difference seems to be the clearer comparison with the principles of the Course, my mistakes as clearer choices between them and what the Course teaches as the experience of eternal peace.  It is the acuteness of such comparisons that touch me now so deeply with the thought, would I rather be happy or right.  Right of course in accordance with the self righteousness of my ego. The pain of separation form God is now very real, it seems.  I have been given help by my Guide to become aware of what the problem, the one problem is.  Separation, thinking that it is possible and then feeling guilty because it feels real.   So far I have without fail been driven forward to what is apparently truth over mistakes, better choices in place of lonely decisions.  It is now much clearer that mistakes no longer work for me. I can as a result see life anew.  It is all like being born again.  I am driven ahead to hear Jesus say, perhaps, “How’s all that, (self, I can do this alone) working for you?”) I always have the same answer, “not so well.” I am reminded he does say to practice daily, not making any decisions on my own.  Like jazz, there are no wrong notes, just better choices.  I can believe this, unless I want to try to make the wrong notes real.  Considering the fact that poor choices, while painful, are moments of learning, at some point we are invited to simply commit to looking for a better way.  This time, or the next time, hopefully by sharing our lives with others, we begin to see that no one’s interests here are different than anyone else’s.

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